Keedie by Elle McNicoll – A Personal Reflection

I addressed the personal connection that I have with A Kind of Spark in this article from April 2023 Almost exactly a year later I have read the prequel to that amazing book and I am going to reflect again on the power of writing to take you back to people and places in your life. Keedie by its very nature turned into a much more difficult and confronting read than A Kind of Spark, mainly because we meet Keedie at a time in her life where things are much more difficult because of the people around her, namely her fellow school pupils and of course the teachers.

The Story

When we meet Keedie, she and Nina are coming up for 14, and are at Juniper Senior School, but the easier relationship they had when they were younger has disappeared. Keedie is something of an outcast while Nina has gained admission to the cool set. Unfortunately for Keedie, that set contains some of the people most responsible for the bullying at the school which she is on the receiving end of. When she realises the extent to which bullying has affected the school, she sets herself up as a one person anti-bullying agency. This works well at first as she is able to help a number of her fellow students and her non-violent approach makes it very difficult for those on the receiving end to complain. Unfortunately, she finds out that when she exposes the school’s lack of action in this area she ends up in the firing line herself.

My reactions

I found myself thinking back to my own schooldays in the 1970s and 80s before anyone in education understood or even cared about making allowances for children on the autistic spectrum. School is a place where any hint of a difference from ‘the norm’ is jumped on and exploited by the vast majority of your fellow students. Knowing that human nature is to all intents and purposes immutable, I am not surprised that the situation for those on the Autistic Spectrum is still pretty difficult. I read an article a couple of weeks back which said that bullies at school are more successful in life than the people they bully. It is depressing to read that, but not in the slightest bit surprising. Society reflects human nature which means that bullying is tacitly encouraged at all levels and those who are good at it succeed in any setting.

That said, at least children like Keedie have an idea of what is making them different from their fellow students, even if it doesn’t help in the thick of the day to day battle that school is. The statement can be a way of accessing support, although that support is very much dependent on budgets, but it can also be a way of singling you out for other students and staff. I think that the character of Miss Murphy was the character that really plunged me back into my secondary school days where teachers took just as much pleasure in bullying students who were different as the other students did. The Miss Murphys of the world at least made me determined to support students as she epitomised the type of teacher I was never going to be. She is all too real and an example of what is sometimes called the ‘banality of evil’. Keedie says it best in her response to her headmaster who says he wants to understand her motivation for what he sees as a revenge mission.

If I wanted revenge against every person, and I mean person and not student, who has said something unwarranted and nasty, pushed me in the stairwell, slammed a door on my fingers, called me a slur, tripped me in the playground, ripped up my work, pinched me, told me I’m a freak – sir, if I wanted revenge on those people, I’m afraid there would not be enough lifetimes to carry that out.

Keedie by Elle McNicoll (2024)

That speech just hits so hard if you were one of the outcasts in school because of something out of your control. It was the main reason why I have taken a little while to put this review together, as I wanted to process how it made me feel. I would love to have got revenge against all those bullies, but as bullies seemingly accounted for about 90% of the students and staff at my secondary school that was, as Keedie recognises, absolutely impossible. Do I still detest those people? On balance yes I do, because only one of them ever apologised to me, and I always felt that was to make him feel better rather than to genuinely try to make amends. However I have made a good go of things professionally and personally so I guess my determination to avoid going under is my answer to them.

Anyone on the Autistic Spectrum is going to struggle and they will always be targets however hard they try to mask and fit in with the rest of society. That is as true now as it was in the 1970s and 80s. The difference for those facing the same situation now as I did then is that they have Elle McNicoll in their corner. She understands what we go through, she communicates that to us with flashes of humour and a good measure of anger. I wish I had had someone like her writing for me all those years ago. I would have felt much less lonely fighting against the world day after day. Thank you Elle, and I look forward to reading so much more from you over the next few years.